Photo by Aleksander Saks
Holly Porter Phillips is a pastor, writer and trained spiritual director through Anam Cara. She loves the slow pace of spiritual direction and the gift of walking alongside others, bearing witness to their lives. After years of wrestling with her place in the church and overthinking life with God, she’s found new ways of encountering the Spirit through simply being.
**This blog is written with Christian faith leaders especially in mind, but good nuggets for reflection for all. Check it out!
Spiritual direction is a process in which one meets with a trained guide to more deeply discern their calling and the direction of their life and career, in line with where the Spirit leads. According to Phillips, a spiritual director’s main task is to be a listening ear, and it is necessary for both faith leaders and lay people as a form of soul care and a tool to be able to live life with deeper awareness.
The Church Lab: Why do you feel that spiritual direction is vital for our faith leaders today - not only for their own personal soul care but as a tool in their toolkit to forward their mission and vision?
Holly Porter Phillips: When I moved into my current role as co-pastor at my church, a close friend recommended that I seek out spiritual direction to have a safe space that is just mine to process what is happening within my church community and within myself. I’ve found spiritual direction to be a crucial element in my own spiritual formation and part of being a healthy leader.
I’ve seen research from the Barna Group, saying that 65% of pastors admit that they sometimes or frequently experience loneliness (a 20%+ increase from 2015). I’m sure this is no surprise to any of us, as leadership often feels tiring, isolating, and lonely. To find a person to listen to the joys, doubts, difficulties, and grief of ministry (and life!) is no small thing.
When we as leaders take steps to take care of ourselves and prioritize our personal health, spiritual and otherwise, the benefits extend to the community we lead and eventually to all of creation.
TCL: How does the spiritual direction of our faith and community leaders specifically speak to their role in navigating the complex, polarizing and rapidly changing cultural landscape that we're experiencing today?
HPP: Several years ago, when I first decided to take on a 2-year spiritual direction training program, my director said to me something along the lines of “I really believe that spiritual direction is the future of the church.”
Initially I took this idea to mean that the one-on-one relationship between a director and directee would be the future of the church. I rolled this idea around all through the following years. After becoming a trained director and through more experience in my role as pastor, I have begun to realize that it is the posture of spiritual direction that has the possibility to guide the future of the church.
I really believe that learning to be better listeners, to move slower through our days and conversations and to strive to become a non-anxious presence to ourselves and those around us has the power to change a system that so desperately needs change.
When ministry leaders choose to seek out spiritual direction they practice each of these skills. They learn and experience the gift of being listened to, the peace of a non-anxious presence, and that it's possible to move slowly and deliberately. Additionally, ministry leaders need safe spaces to process grief, doubt, stress, and worry as well as joy, wonder, and hope. Spiritual direction has the possibility to be all these things and really so much more.
TCL: What are some of the nuanced distinctions between spiritual direction and therapy or life coaching?
HPP: There is no goal or expected end result in spiritual direction. Spiritual direction is primarily a listening space, in which a trained spiritual director listens deeply to your story and your experiences with God.
A spiritual director is not a coach (there are no next steps to take), therapist (it’s non-clinical) or pastor (it’s one-on-one, not rooted within a specific community), but a person who has committed to bear witness to your life. Spiritual direction is a safe space to question, doubt, and slowly participate in the work of transformation.
TCL: What are some misconceptions about spiritual direction that you'd love to clear up?
HPP: One assumption that comes up, and that I consider a misconception, is that it is primarily for clergy. While I believe that clergy, and ministry leaders will benefit greatly from the experience, spiritual direction is for anyone interested in giving time and attention to their spiritual selves.
A few people also mentioned that it isn’t regulated and has very little accountability. While this can be true, I encourage people to find a spiritual director who is trained and also under supervision with a trained supervisor. (I’ll make a quick plug for Anam Cara, the ministry that trained me. You can find a list of trained directors here.)
I also think many people imagine spiritual direction to be lighting a candle, sitting quietly for an hour, or in traditional prayer with a nun or monk. While I imagine this can be true, it’s not true for all directors or all sessions. I talk with my directees about all aspects of their lives, nothing is off limits (as I really believe that our life with God is just our life). I know directors who use movement and yoga or art in their sessions. Sessions with my director, or with my directees often include laughter (even a few times to the point of tears!). In direction, I have processed the loss of a beloved family member, and expressed anger at institutions that have excluded me. There isn’t one way that spiritual direction looks and varies based on director, directee, and what each brings to the session.
TCL: What, in your view, counts as a spiritual practice?
HPP: I love this question! I have been very inspired by the work of Barbara Brown Taylor in regard to expanding my view of spiritual practices. While I find traditional practices (centering prayer, Lectio Divina, reading scripture, and even spiritual direction) to be very helpful, I have found that as I have expanded my definition of spiritual practices, my view and experiences of God have expanded right along with it!
Taylor writes: “Prayer is waking up to the presence of God no matter where I am or what I am doing.” She also writes: “My life depends on ignoring all touted distinctions between the secular and the sacred, the physical and the spiritual, the body and the soul.”
Her writing has inspired me to see almost everything in my life as a spiritual practice or a chance to wake up to the presence of God. I find laughing with my kids, watching birds at the feeder, watering my houseplants, and slowly sauteing veggies on the stove to be some of the most life-changing (and daily) spiritual practices I engage with. Like Taylor, I’m constantly looking to blur the lines between the secular and the sacred, pulling myself back to my real life in the real world with the daily noticing of the presence of God.
TCL: What can people expect when they dive into spiritual direction with you?
HPP: I strive to be a non-anxious presence that listens to and cares deeply for the person across from me (either in-person or on my computer!). I have no expectations that our conversations lean primarily toward traditional spiritual topics.
I begin each session with a poem, or some sort of reading and silence in hopes of signalling to our whole selves that it is time to look inward, move slowly, and let go of whatever to-do’s are lingering.
I can think of no better metaphor for a spiritual director than that of my midwife patiently waiting with me and encouraging me as my children were born. Like the midwife during labor, the spiritual director bears witness to new life. This is my hope for those I accompany – to simply bear witness to their life.
If you’d like to connect further with Holly, she writes about spiritual direction and blurring the lines between the secular and the sacred on her Substack, Alongside You, or you can read a little more about her and contact her through her website, www.hollyporterphillips.com. There, you can sign up for her newsletter and/or request a free consultation to discuss spiritual direction!